Issue #8

A small trick that can make starting therapy less scary.

Therapy is a place where you can pause and make sense of yourself so you can show up differently in all the relationships that matter most.

Taking the step to make your first therapy appointment can be really hard. But you did it! You recognize you need help, and you’re asking for it. Bravo.

Your next big challenge? Not talking yourself out of that first session.

The vulnerability of inviting a stranger to get to know your story is tender, even scary.

Can I be vulnerable with you for a minute?

Recently I started my own therapy again, and I felt every bit of the same nerves and doubt many of you have written to me about. Where do you even begin? Childhood? Marriage? The thing that happened last Tuesday?

I’m right in the middle of the push and pull of the sandwich generation stage of life: helping my kids launch, reimagining my marriage in this empty nest phase, and supporting aging parents who need me emotionally and logistically.

I love all of these people deeply, and being stretched across so many roles stirs up old stories in me: Am I doing enough? Am I doing too much? Where do I need to step forward with more energy, and where do I need to step back and set boundaries?

I’ve been so focused on everyone else that I realized I needed a space that was just for me, a space to put the spotlight on how I’m navigating these overlapping demands.

This time, before I stepped foot in my first therapy session, I tried something new. I wanted to help my therapist understand me quickly (while resisting the urge to give her a full-blown PowerPoint presentation), but it turns out I was doing myself the bigger favor.

A practice to calm the first session scaries

Creating a little structure can make that first session feel less like jumping into the deep end and more like having a conversation with someone who's genuinely curious about your story.

Before I share this practice, I want to be clear: You absolutely do not have to prepare anything before therapy. Walking in without any preparation is totally fine. It’s actually one of the gifts of therapy that someone else is running the show for once.

But if you're anything like me and the idea of organizing your story beforehand feels calming, here's the road map I created as I jotted down all the major players in my life.

A pen and paper (or your Notes app) will do.

Your Basic Timeline
The skeleton of your story. When you were born, big moves, marriages, divorces, losses, kids, job changes. Not your memoir — just the framework.

A note on trauma: You're in charge of what you share and when. Put an asterisk next to the heavy stuff or just write "it's complicated here" without details. In trauma, choice gets taken away. In therapy, you get to practice having it back.

The People Who Shaped You
Your childhood crew. Parents, siblings, grandparents, whoever was in the mix. A sentence about each one's personality and how you got along. Your therapist isn't writing a biography; they just need to picture the players.

The People You’ve Created Life With
Who's in your life now? Partner, kids, close friends, chosen family. Again, quick snapshots, not detailed character studies.

What You Want to Work On
The stuff that brought you to therapy. The patterns you're tired of, the feelings that won't quit, the questions keeping you up at night.

These notes are for you first and foremost. You get to decide if you share them with your new therapist or not. Your therapist might love having the roadmap or prefer to let the story unfold in real time (That’s not about the quality of the work you did, it’s about their style.)

What I’m remembering in the client seat

This practice reminded me of something I’m very familiar with as a therapist but had forgotten as the one in the client seat: Efficiency is not the goal. The sharing is the healing.

The magic of therapy happens in the space between your sharing and their understanding. When they ask, "What do you mean by that?" and you hear yourself say things you haven't said in a while.

Whether you show up for the first session with some prepared notes like I did or you opt to bring only willingness, I hope you feel proud of the investment you are making in yourself.

xo,

Dr. Alexandra