Issue #5

Your relationship deserves a little summer fling energy

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The early days of romantic relationships feel electric. Every interaction brings a new understanding of this person you can’t get enough of. You sneak kisses at backyard BBQs. Your heart races when they graze your hand. As time goes on, that spark gets a little less fiery as life logistics replace longing. It’s easy to forget what it felt like to be swept away.

You don’t need someone new to feel something new.

You just need the right conditions to shift the energy. And summer is full of them — reunions, parties, festivals, vacations, and long, late nights just because.

Let’s zero in on my favorite celebration — the wedding.

Weddings naturally invite a different, over-the-top vibe that breaks us out of the daily grind. It’s the perfect opportunity to borrow some of that butterflies-in-your-stomach energy for your own relationship. Weddings can shine a fresh lens on your partner and infuse a little summer fling energy into your relationship.

Anticipate the magic, then let yourselves revel in it.

Before The Big Day: Plan For The Party, Protect Your Connection

A night away from the usual routine sounds like a great idea but only if you’re on the same page going in. Decide how you want to show up for yourselves and each other — emotionally and logistically.

Name Your Worries and Your Desires
​Frame any concerns as being protective, rather than a criticism. Try saying, I feel really protective of our right to have a fun night together, and I noticed I'm having worried thoughts.

… I'm worried you'll get into a conflict with your sibling.

… I'm worried you’ll get caught up in too many other conversations and we will lose sight of each other.

… I’m worried that a little too much drinking might get in the way of us really enjoying the night together.
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​Design the Evening
​Reframe the planning and logistics as an investment you’re making to set yourselves up for a fun experience together. By addressing the pragmatics ahead of time, you maximize the chances that the two of you can surrender to the flow of the event. You don’t need to schedule down to the minute, but create a shared vision that allows you to slip into celebration mode.
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​Show Yourself Some Grace
​Weddings usually mean dressing up which can activate body image challenges. Remember that sexy is much less about how you look and more about how embodied you are. Celebrate your physicality rather than picking it apart. Try to see yourself through your partner’s eyes as your partner likely (hopefully!) appreciates you as you are right here right now today. Plus, it's hard to be flirty and fun if you’re being self-critical. You deserve flirty and fun!
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​Embrace Co-Dreaming
​Anticipation is good for us! Looking forward to a vacation creates a happiness boost, even before we head for the airport. (Thanks, 2022 University of Alabama Study.)

Like planning a vacation, the anticipation of a wedding can be exciting. Talk about what you're looking forward to as a couple. Naming this excitement together can be a powerful way to connect and build shared anticipation.

"I can’t wait to dance with you."

"You're going to look so beautiful."

“I never get to see you in a suit anymore”

At the Wedding: Borrow the Energy of the Night

Weddings are filled with heightened energy and emotion, making them the perfect place to see your partner through a different lens.

Notice: Damn, That's My Partner 😍
​See your partner with fresh eyes. Commit yourself to noticing what you truly love about your relationship. Admire how your partner navigates the scene and allow yourself to feel proud or impressed by their interactions. It’s a great reminder that they are separate from you, and others find them interesting and engaging.

Steal a moment (or many) together
​Take advantage of the novelty of the venue and the special occasion.

• Slow dance with your partner. When do you ever get to slow dance anymore?
• Sneak away for a walk or a little make out session in a dark, quiet corner.

The Boomerang Effect
​It can be energizing to go your own way and come back together to share your adventures. Let the separations and reunions throughout the wedding day be flirty and fun.

When you’re craving a little novelty in your relationship, remember, you don't need a new person to feel something exciting. You just need an excuse to dress up, sneak away, and tap into that summer fling energy.

Enjoy the magic!

xo,

Dr. Alexandra